Week off and rioting

Well it's the third day of my week off. It's going really quickly. I like to keep myself busy when I'm off work so I've had a packed week so far.

On Monday I went to Holland Park (I knew it was an area but didn't know there was an actual park). It was lovely and peaceful and even had peacocks. Then to Leighton House where a painter called Lord Leighton used to live. It was a mad place done in an Arabic style with gorgeous tiles.

Like everyone else I was glued to the TV on Monday evening watching the riots. Incredible scenes of destruction. I'm supposed to be a liberal but I find it very hard when confronted by people who have so little respect. I do think it's down to their upbringing - if they're not taught respect and values from an early age by the time they get to their teens they're going wild. Though my first reaction is anger, ultimately it's just very sad to see lives wasted like that.

Then on Tuesday I went to Dulwich Picture Gallery. Lovely location and interesting exhibition contrasting a very modern painter with a classical painter. Dulwich is lovely too. Though it being in South London I did feel a bit nervous as that was where more of the rioting was. The whole thing has made me feel uneasy whereas I've always previously felt safe in London.

Today I got out of town and went to Margate which is by the sea. Zoomed there on a very modern fast train. Margate itself was good - bit tatty in places but I like that faded seaside vibe. Lovely new art gallery and an old town with little vintage shops too. Had a gorgeous lunch too.

So a good week so far. Might have a quiet day tomorrow and then Friday I'm meeting my parents and going to another seaside place, Dungeness.

I tried to book another doctor's appointment tomorrow. I'm still not feeling right. Better but not right. I don't know how to describe it. I feel anxious sometimes and spaced out and I feel some discomfort in my chest, like around my heart. I just know it's related to stress but I keep telling myself I have nothing to be stressed about. It's like my body is a few steps behind me though.

When things are going well it all seems normal. But it's like I have to tell myself that everyday. I've lost my underlying sense of comfort and ease. I hope I can get it back.