I've just changed the age in the 'about me' info on my blog as it was my birthday last week. It feels like a significant one as I'm in the next age bracket now - 35 to 44. It's a big bracket!
It wasn't a great day as I was at work and it was quite stressful. But we had a nice meal out in the evening. Went to a restaurant that did a six course vegetarian tasting menu. It was gorgeous. The dessert especially, which was the most tender rhubarb I've ever eaten, on a biscuit base with rhubarb ice cream. Yum!
I'm just listening now to the CDs I got - a box set of music from Claire Denis films by a band called Tindersticks. V good and v atmospheric.
I'm still feeling a bit under the weather tbh. My cold developed into a cough and then I had toothache. I had a couple of fillings last week but one of them hurts even more now. It's quite debilitating. So overall I'm feeling just a bit rundown I think.
Good news on the wedding front though. We've got our invites out. Hurrah! We've agreed everything with the venue now which was the last thing holding us up. We just emailed people because we wanted to keep it quite informal.
So now we can take a little break before we start looking at the last few things like a photographer. And we still need to get rings too, though I think we've pretty much decided - just need to bite the bullet on the price.
I've been making myself a bit stressed lately worrying about work and also whether we should move. I'm really not good with stress at all, though everyone thinks I am because I look cool on the outside.
Work comes because I have such high standards. I stress about deadlines and whether I'm doing enough and whether I should have a more senior and better paid job.
On the house front, we're vaguely looking but not too seriously. Like we don't have ours on the market or anything. There's really nothing wrong with our flat - we'd just like a bit more space.
But like looking for jobs, which I'm also doing, it's becoming a slightly obsessive activity of checking websites every day. Without any firm commitment to move or get a job it just leads to a continual low level of anxiety.
One of my new year's resolutions was to be happier with what I have. I need to start believing that. A fellow blogger wrote this morning that a friend had died unexpectedly and it had caused him to reevaluate things. I don't, thank god, have anything like that. The closest I got was when I spent a week in hospital last October.
I told myself then that things would be different, and they were for a little while, but inevitably we sink back to our natural state - which for me is worry. I shouldn't need someone dying to shock me into doing something.
Note to self: THIS IS YOUR WAKE-UP CALL. Be happy with what you've got. Relax. It's OK. There used to be a cafe in the part of town where I live called Pick More Daisies. It's sadly closed now but it had a big artwork on the wall that explained its name - a poem which ended:
"If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds and I would pick more daisies."
It's not a bad motto for life.
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