First (proper) blog post of the new year and it's a bit of an ironic one because it's about whether *this* is a good thing.
I first started reading gay blogs in August, starting off with *cough* some of the dirtier ones but then gradually moving on to more interesting ones like those in my blogroll.
It's been really good, particularly to see how people are dealing with some of the same issues I had growing up. Then I saw most people had Twitter too so got into that and it's been fun. Finally I started a blog myself, which you're reading now.
I can feel myself being sucked in and it's all quite time consuming. I've kept it hidden from the bf as I'm not sure he'd approve really, but it means I'm constantly hiding the iPhone screen from him and generally looking secretive. It's starting to be an issue particularly given my past history on Grindr.
It struck me that of all the people I blog and tweet with I'm the only one in a relationship. Are the two incompatible? I really enjoy this and would miss my virtual friends, but should I prioritise my real relationships?
Maybe it's me - I definitely have OCD tendencies and have had problems with it in the past. I tend to get obsessed by something and can't leave it alone. Right now it's constantly checking Twitter and blog feeds. Last year, it was constantly being on Grinder.
I feel like I'm repeating the same patterns *sigh* which is partly why I'm feeling rather down at the moment. Maybe it's time to pull the plug, because I can never do something halfway.
Hi there, TFI
ReplyDeleteI can understand that blog-land can become very time-consuming - I have certainly found it so. Fortunately (at least for my blogging activity!) I'm unattached, so I can devote as much non-work time to it as I like.
People in relationships can manage blogs, quite successfully: have a look at green ectomorph, or into the great wide open, or Up and About, all written by bloggers in long-term relationships. I think it depends very much on the people concerned and their individual circumstances.
If you look as if you're hiding something, I'm not surprised that your boyfriend is becoming concerned, especially given what happened with Grindr. I don't know how he would take it, but it might be a good idea to explain to him what you're doing, and why you're doing it. If he can understand that blog-land isn't a threat to your relationship (and I hope it isn't), then I see no reason why he shouldn't accept it.
I would guess that you do want to prioritise your real-life relationships, at least to the extent that will keep them healthy. Blog-land may be sympathetic and supportive, but it won't keep you warm on a cold winter's night, nor hug you and get you a drink when you come home after a bad day at work.
I hope you can find a happy medium to reassure your boyfriend and maintain a presence here - I'd be sorry to lose you so soon after you've arrived here.
Take care
Mark
Here's my honest opinion on this. You seem like you've got something good going with your boyfriend. If you're actually voicing that you're worried it might mess that up, cut ties with the blogs. That's as cold as it gets, I know, because I appreciate your support. But I will feel guilty as hell if you checking out my blog every once in awhile messes up what you have with your boyfriend. I don't think either of us wants that.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments and to Too Late For Regrets who emailed. It's been really helpful and I have resolved to show bf that there's nothing dodgy about Twitter or blogs. I'm making it look dodgy by being secretive. I don't think I'll tell him about this blog because I want it to be my outlet. Watch this space!
ReplyDeleteHi there, TFI
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to have been of help - thanks for the kind words, and thanks also for retrieving my comment from your spam folder (I assume that's where it went).
Best of luck with introducing your bf to Twitter and blog-land - I hope it goes well, and achieves the desired result.
I agree that you need this blog as your private space - whether you do this by simply not telling him, or (more trusting but more difficult) letting him know about it and asking him not to read it, is up to you. "green and purple", the author of "green ectomorph", has been through this - his husband knows about his blog, used to read it for a while (which caused some disagreements between them), and now accepts that g&p has to have some private space of this sort. I think there's a post about it, quite a few months ago, and g&p would probably be happy to talk about by e-mail.
Take care
Mark
I'm in a civil union, blog and tweet. I have to keep blog posts and tweets clean from relationship issues since they are not a private place. Like I got into some trouble for doing #showpantssaturday pictures. I think it is quite difficult to be open about blog but asking your bf not reading it.
ReplyDelete